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10/28/2005: "If this were 1995"
We'd call it still-another hyperlink post--doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, but it certainly sounds more exciting--but then, if I can remember my childhood fads correctly it would probably also be about the Power Rangers and basketball. I apologize for the all-link format lately--I haven't been struck with a lot of inspiration--but like The English Beat I just can't stop it.
First up: 2005 World Series lowest-rated ever. I guess that'll teach them to let the Cardinals lose in the NLCS. Anyway, as a lot of smarter people than me have already said, if Fox complains about this they need only look in the mirror; I can't imagine C-Span doing a worse job of covering the games than they did. So:
Dear Fox,
First off, a word about Scooter. Small children know when they're being patronized, for one, and for another they don't typically hold sway over the remote control in your average Nielson family. Why, then, did some network executive feel it a Truly Brilliant Idea to trot out a talking baseball, complete with high-pitched voice and a hammered bandwagon fan's knowledge of the game? A talking baseball that is so annoying--even relative to other talking baseballs--that the adults who do hold the remotes will flip past it if they know what's good for them? Maybe save the money you're paying the animator and voice actor and spend it on getting Tim McCarver the old spotless mind treatment with regards to Derek Jeter, Handsome Man and Clutch God.
And another thing: maybe if you guys played games other than the ones involving the Red Sox and the Yankees in the regular season, people would have--get this--some interest in them! These were likable teams; the White Sox had been underdogs the whole year despite winning 99 games, the Astros had Biggio and an end-of-the-line Bagwell finally with their best shot at a championship. But still, in the World Series, they were talking about whether or not the Yankees would overhaul their team in the offseason. Guess what--it wasn't the offseason yet!
And finally, screw baseball, why did you cancel Andy Richter Controls the Universe? Do you guys really just have good sitcoms coming out that fast? I'm sure you could bring in Scooter to explain the lack of a laugh track, it'd be fun!
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen
P.S. Enough with the sideline reporters at baseball games, there aren't any sidelines.
In more baseball-related news, the free agents are coming; the headline name for this year, a bit of a letdown after the Pedro-Beltran spectacular, appears to be Paul Konerko. And whoever signs him, I have a sinking feeling, is going to end up incredibly disappointed, even moreso if their deal runs more than four years. Here we have a player who--seriously--is slower than Jim Thome; has a pronounced (88 points of slugging percentage) platoon split in what is recognized as The home run park of the AL; and has posted a .900 OPS exactly once. When you're a lumbering first baseman this isn't top-of-the-line material, but most of his value is very visible in massive home runs, and the World Series in your contract year usually helps your bottom line. The afore-mentioned Thome--who was a much better hitter in his prime--fell off from his late-20's peak relatively quickly after hitting 30, even before the injuries left him in his current position between a Ryan Howard and a huge contract. Even taking into account that Konerko strikes me as less likely to suffer a lot of injuries than a guy built like Thome, somebody's going to end up overpaying. Thankfully, the Cardinals seem to have first base otherwise occupied for the moment.
In a Former Cardinal Sighting, Mike DeJean--brought in in one of many desperate attempts to save the 2003 bullpen, if you'll remember--has resigned with the Rockies. My immediate reaction--what a huge masochist--still applies somewhat, but looking at his stats he's actually fared pretty well at Coors in his career. Of course, so had Jose Jimenez.
Replies: 28 Comments
on Friday, October 28th, ryan vb said
I think Dunn will tail off after 30 like Thome (although I think Thome had a li'l juice problem).
on Friday, October 28th, Mike said
The most infuriating thing about Scooter to me was that, after Scooter's brilliant explanations like "I'm a curveball... I curve," the announcers would invariably go on to actually explain the pitch and how it is thrown in detail.
on Friday, November 4th, Craig3410 said
The scariest thing? Konerko's looking for a six or seven year deal.
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